Lunatics at Home

I participated in a small private 4:20 festival, I know, it is cheesy, but it as a well deserved relief from an existential krisis: the realization that I will leave no mark on the earth save a stone-of-ages, which is only temporary, no, no one will survive me in my obituary; I am married but I have no children. No one will visit me at my house by the sea. My wife reminded me that I do live near the sea: 50 miles away, in that way the joke is on me. Speakng of being married, I am not very good at it, I am horrible at it, a social ineptitude washes over me, it is a sickness of the mind and a form of selfishness, I do not feel like I am owed anything, but deserve something, I struggled for years doing the best I could in college, and I obtained a degree, I deserve a suitable job (looking in the non-profit and/or writing feilds), I want to help if I can, in some way, rather than just drain society of all its' worth, yet I have grown cruel. It may being due to losing myfriends over nothing, but it is most likely due to not having the status I want, I have the qaulities that statistics states as the norm for acheiving, yet I fail, I fall short in one department, I have Congenital Nystagmus, whichak causes a slight shaking of the head. Well unemployed I am trapped here in my house - growing socialy inept and bitter.